I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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