i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
is wine microwaveable?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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