it was like his penis was on wheels.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
