I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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