im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
