He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
