benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
