good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
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I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
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Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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