I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
