i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
