I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
