I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Randomize
