Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
