This is not my ceiling
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
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I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
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I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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