Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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