I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
