I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
