i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
The adults are the big ones right?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
