it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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