Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Im part way to drunk.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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