Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
