I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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