Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Is Oprah even human
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
