Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
