Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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