obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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