its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
