I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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