You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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