Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
