I never want to see another naked old woman again.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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