p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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