Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
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Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
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you're hired as official boob wrangler
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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