Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
