at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
