I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
