my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
