Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
