Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
