she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize
