Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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