dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
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