I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
