Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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