Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
