no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
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And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
How external is "for external use only"?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
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At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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