it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
