Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm passing your future prison.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
