Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
