So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
