So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
