My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
