wanna go halves on a baby?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
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