Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Randomize
