my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
