I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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