i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
