sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
