Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Two words: blizzard sex
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
