guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
