she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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