I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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