Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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