How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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