Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
