i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
