did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
