i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
