I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
