Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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