i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
