Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
