And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
