If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
