You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
