If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
