i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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