watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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